You still can't understand why nice girls finish last and why men love bitches ... read this article to determine if maybe you're being a kind fool.


Submitted by Guest Blogger Jayelle Hughes


In the past I wondered to myself, why does it seem like people are so mean, even though I treat them kindly? For example, I would call a customer service rep and talk to her as sweetly as possible; even change my voice to be more appeasing. In return I seemed to always receive a nasty attitude.

These are questions that nice folks ask all the time -- why don't people value kindness and thoughtfulness from a person? Why do people walk all over nice guys and girls?

This discussion comes up most often when talking about relationships. Men wonder why women don't like "nice guys." Nice women wonder why men seem to prefer "bitches."

It took years, and plenty of experiences, to finally realize the answer. It is simply because certain types of people look at nice folks as targets -- they perceive you as a kind fool and fully intend to take advantage of that. 

You have to be firm and serious with people if you want to be taken seriously.

Good versus Nice
There is a difference between being a GOOD person and a NICE person.

People show the utmost respect to GOOD people who stand their ground and stick to their guns. GOOD people are not afraid to speak their minds. Nice people say YES all the time and strive to be pleasing because they want to be liked. Good people say NO often. Good people will "tell you off in love."

People -- particularly inconsiderate and selfish people -- use and abuse kind fools.

Let's briefly go back to relationships and those timeless questions: why don't men like nice girls and why don't women like nice guys? Well, both men and women prefer a little bit of a challenge -- don't you?

A good woman tells her significant other NO or might disagree with him at times. She is not afraid to challenge him when necessary -- that keeps things lively and REAL.

Now flip the script: if a man is constantly giving you everything you want all of the time it eventually becomes unattractive. You know that you can have everything you want from that person and it even becomes a bit unnerving because you know that he is probably taking mental note of all of those good deeds. One day that person is probably going to throw it back in your face and someone is going to get hurt. People don't like to feel an overwhelming obligation to others.

So What Exactly is a Kind Fool?
Now that you have a little more of an idea of why people don't show respect to nice guys and girl, maybe you're wondering if you're a kind fool.

A kind fool is someone who is nice to a fault. Anything done in excess is not good for you. A kind fool will say yes to every request, even if it is clearly a bad idea. Even if it hurts. You see a lot of kind fools in the plaintiff's box on Judge Mathis and Judge Judy.

Good people tell people NO not because they are mean, but because they know it is best for them and also for the person who is asking in most cases.

Kind fools say yes to everyone because they want to be liked and think that granting everyone's wish will help them be more popular.

That is why nice guys and girls frequently get hurt and feel stepped on. They allow people to use and abuse them daily, thinking that it somehow is a testament to how good a person they are.

But it's not -- instead, it's a testament to how silly, weak and foolish you are.

Surely you have heard the story of the turtle and the scorpion. The turtle was a perfect example of a kind fool, allowing a poisonous scorpion to ride his back into a pond. Because the turtle was too nice, they both drowned. 

If the turtle was smart he would have let the poisonous scorpion walk ALL THE WAY around the pond, knowing his nature. That would have been for the scorpion's own good. Then they both would have survived and the scorpion would have also learned a valuable lesson about hard work.

People Will Still Like You
One other thing I've learned over the years is that even when you tell people NO, they will still care about you. They will still like you. They will still talk to you. If anything they may like you more because you stood your ground and they now know that you are not a pushover.

So if you're in a place where you're wondering why no one seems to value or appreciate your nice deeds and demeanor, recognize that you may be playing the role of a kind fool. Shut it down starting today.

Put your own needs first -- that doesn't make you a bad person, that makes you a wise person. Trust your intuition. Help people who you believe deserve it while remembering that old adage, "If you teach a man to fish he eats for life."


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Jayelle Hughes is a novelist and woman empowerment advocate. Check out her womens novels 5eX and Men Don't Matter? on Amazon.


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  1. Shawn On February 21, 2013 at 3:58 PM

    Great article. People treat you like allow yourself to be treated. There are people out there that will try you. Do NOT let them run over you. Respect yourself and they will respect you. Speaking from a man's point of view no man wants a woman that he can walk over. He may use here, but he will never respect and love her. Keep your head up.

     

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